What Is Spiritual Direction?
A primer on a powerful spiritual formation practice
Do you keep hearing the phrase '“spiritual direction” and have no idea what it actually means?
You’re not alone!
Spiritual direction is a new concept for a lot of Christians, especially those who come from an evangelical background. But even though you may never have heard of it until recently, the practice of spiritual direction has been around for a long time!
For thousands of years, the experience of spiritual direction has been a valuable spiritual practice that has helped followers of Jesus grow closer to God and go deeper on their journey of discipleship and spiritual formation.
In this post, I’ll offer more examples of who can benefit from spiritual direction, what happens in a spiritual direction session, and how spiritual direction can help you in different seasons of your walk with God.
What is Spiritual Direction?
Spiritual direction is a time set apart for you to process, pray, and listen for God’s leading alongside a spiritual director (a fellow follower of Jesus who holds space for you, listens, and helps you discern God’s voice).
The experience of spiritual direction starts with a desire to connect with God more deeply and to notice His presence and leading in everyday life.
Regularly meeting with a spiritual director is a life changing habit that helps you prioritize your relationship with God.
Who Goes to Spiritual Direction and How Does It Help?
While it may sound like this practice is only for nuns, monks, and spiritual over-achievers, any follower of Jesus at any stage of life can benefit from spending time in spiritual direction.
Here are some examples of people who have experienced God through spiritual direction.
See if you recognize yourself in any of these…
A busy (and tired) toddler mom who rarely gets a moment to herself, let alone space to have a regular “quiet time.” You long to reconnect with God and get some real rest for your soul.
A ministry leader who feels burned out and spiritually dry from years of giving, teaching, and serving. You long to experience God’s love for you.
A college student wrestling with the faith you grew up with, and you’ve got some serious doubts. You long to express your questions for God in a safe space without fear of judgment or shaming.
An empty nester or recent retiree, struggling to navigate change in a new chapter. You long to understand God’s purpose and God’s will for you in this season and beyond.
Any of those sound familiar? Spiritual direction has tremendous benefits for Christians at each and every life stage and transition.
Consider this: Why do we seek out therapists or coaches who share our Christian beliefs? As followers of Jesus, making decisions from a Biblical perspective and seeking God’s will is important to us. We want to process alongside someone who can help point us back to God.
We’re all constantly navigating some sort of challenge in life. Meeting with a spiritual director to process those struggles is a helpful and practical way to make space to listen for God’s guidance.
What Does a Spiritual Director Do?
To be honest, the title “spiritual director” is a misnomer. Unlike a mentor or coach, the spiritual director isn’t actually “directing” anything. There’s no pre set agenda or list of what you’re “supposed” to learn next.
Any good spiritual director will always tell you: I’m not the director, God is!
The job of a spiritual director is to listen and help notice where God is at work in someone’s story.
A spiritual director seeks to be a non anxious presence where a directee (the one seeking spiritual direction) can speak without fear of judgment. They help create a safe atmosphere where directees feel heard and can hear from God directly for themselves.
It is often said that a spiritual director’s role is similar to that of a midwife or doula. These birth companions are not the ones actually giving birth to a baby. They are just that: companions to the process. They are there to help mom do the work that needs to be done.
Like birth companions are for the labor and delivery journey, spiritual directors are there to be a helpful presence on the spiritual journey. They encourage. They reassure. They gently offer practices to move forward. They validate the struggle you are facing but also remind you that going through the process is worth it.
If you are a follower of Jesus, you already know His voice1, but sometimes you need to talk things out. You need someone to reflect back what you’re processing. This is the role of a trained spiritual director—to listen, notice, and help you name where God is moving in your life.
What Happens in a Spiritual Direction Session?
If you’ve ever been to see a therapist, or even a pastor, for counseling, you already have a pretty good idea of what a spiritual direction session could look like.
Let me say upfront, however, that many spiritual directors are not licensed counselors2. Some are, but unless they say so explicitly, don’t assume they are.
Spiritual direction is not the same as counseling. Although similar (I’ve heard spiritual direction be described as “counseling-adjacent” due to the listening-oriented nature of both of them), they serve different purposes. I’ll tackle that in a future post.
All of that to say, spiritual direction can look like counseling in that it involves a director and a directee sitting down together (or via video chat) and the directee does most of the talking.
A spiritual director listens, asks questions, reflects back what they’ve heard, and helps create space for the directee to hear from God directly. To do this, the spiritual director might say something like: “Let’s take a brief time of silence so you can ask God more about that.”
A spiritual director doesn’t typically extend advice, but keeps encouraging directees to do the work of hearing God for themselves. Spiritual directors can help directees process God’s leading by asking questions that can bring greater clarity.
What Do You Talk About with a Spiritual Director?
When I’ve met with my own spiritual director, I’ve talked about everything from social anxiety, to mom guilt, to the things I’m angry at God about. (Yes, that’s allowed!).
TBH, I’ve often begun my own sessions as a directee talking about my “drama of the day,” only for it to uncover the real struggle of a doubt I have about God and His faithfulness.
As you prepare to meet with a spiritual director, here are some things you may want to talk about:
How your view of God or the Bible is evolving
How to forgive someone who’s hurt you
How to have healthy boundaries with someone who’s hurt you
Where is God in the face of a loss or disappointment?
Is [insert big decision here] God’s will for my life?
Processing abuse or hurt from Christian communities
Navigating a “dark night of the soul” experience
Making sense of challenging Scripture or Biblical teaching
Many times, people come to spiritual direction with no specific “problem” in mind, but just a desire to grow closer to God or get out of a spiritual funk. They sense that God has more for them, but they don’t quite see the way forward yet. Spiritual direction can definitely help with that!
Hopefully, now you have a better picture of what spiritual direction looks like. Let’s take a look at the fruit of spiritual direction and how it can help you on your spiritual journey.
The Benefits of Spiritual Direction
Ever since I discovered spiritual direction, my relationship with God has come alive in a powerful way. The spiritual direction space has given me a concrete way to spend time with God, undistracted, and to quiet my heart to hear His voice.
As a directee, I’ve had God speak to me through powerful images, Biblical parables, and a tangible presence so peaceful and comforting, it felt as though He was literally right next to me.
As a director, I’ve been privileged to witness people be courageously vulnerable, express long-suppressed questions and grief, and hear God speak to them in the intimately personal way that only He can.
Let’s be clear…there’s no magic formula to spiritual direction. But if there is a “secret,” it’s prioritizing the intentional space and time to be with God and to really listen to Him.
If you’ve never experienced the beauty of spiritual direction, let’s start by finding you a spiritual director!
How to Get Started with Spiritual Direction
Your first step in spiritual direction is to search for a spiritual director. You’ll want someone you’re comfortable with and, if it’s important to you, maybe even someone who shares a similar faith story or background to yours.
Consider these three tips for finding a great director.
Check Online Directories
Many spiritual formation ministries offer listings of spiritual directors. Here are some of my personal favorites!
Grafted Life is home to the ESDA (Evangelical Spiritual Directors Association). Their tagline is “Christ-Centered Spiritual Directors.” I love that! I’m a member here :)
SoulCare is also an incredible ministry full of wonderful people. I have attended several of their retreats and a book club. I would definitely recommend their soul care coaches and spiritual directors.
Exponent Group offers great spiritual formation resources (our church did one of their studies) and they just started a new marketplace to find spiritual directors (as well as coaches).
When you look through the directories, read some bios and see what stands out. Many spiritual directors have particular offerings they specialize in like navigating faith deconstruction or spiritual abuse. Some spiritual directors list specific audiences they tend to work with such as grown children of pastors or single women.
I pray that you can find someone you can trust with your story!
Consider In Person or Online Spiritual Direction
When I first started my spiritual direction practice, my vision was to practice locally and meet only with directees in person. We were just coming out of the pandemic and everyone was “Zoomed out.” I thought: How powerful would it be to sit with someone face to face and be a real “in the room” presence for them?
While I still love doing in person spiritual direction, the truth is, I meet with most of my directees online. I didn’t think the process would be as powerful and meaningful over a screen, but it is! God is God and can speak in surprising ways…even in virtual spaces.
If you do want to meet with someone in person, the online directories I’ve listed above are helpful for searching by location to find a spiritual director near you.
And if you are local to Seacoast New Hampshire (Dover, Durham, Portsmouth, or nearby towns), you are welcome to meet with me! (We’re also on the train line between Boston and Portland, Maine).
Ask Questions in an Introductory Session
Great news: Most spiritual directors offer some sort of getting to know you session at no cost! This is a great way to see if you and the spiritual director are a good fit to work together.
In the first session, you can ask a spiritual director any questions you might have (perhaps about their beliefs or training). You will likely have time to experience some typical spiritual direction practices too, like meditation on Scripture or imaginative prayer.
Make sure you ask what a director’s fee is for a spiritual direction session. Due to their training and experience, spiritual directors typically charge for their services just as a counselor or coach would. If finances are tight, some spiritual directors are willing to be flexible with their rates.
And just an FYI, there is currently no certifying body for spiritual directors in the US. That means that spiritual directors do not have to be licensed or “certified” here in the States. Most spiritual directors, however, have been trained in a 1-2 year certificate program where they take on real directees under the supervision of an instructor (much like a counselor would).
Many online directories, like the ESDA, require all their spiritual directors to have completed a pre approved spiritual direction certificate program.
If you’re curious, here’s the program I completed through Kairos University.
Schedule a Free Spiritual Direction Session
If this post piqued your interest, I’m available to meet for spiritual direction. No matter where you’re located, I offer spiritual direction sessions online via Google Meet.
Please note that I meet with women of all ages. If you are a man interested in direction, I would be happy to recommend some male directors I know personally who are taking on new directees.3
And if you’re still not sure what this whole thing is about, I offer a free first session to help you decide if spiritual direction is for you. Just email me at seacoastspiritualdirection@gmail.com or direct message me here on Substack.
Not gonna lie, I debated about posting this here on Substack (as opposed to a website). But as I’ve joined the conversations in this community over the past few months, it’s clear that many people are going through difficult seasons in their faith and could find incredible value in spiritual direction.
If you’re ready to be spiritually honest and are seeking to experience God in a deeper way, spiritual direction could be for you.
Try it out…it could change everything!
In John 10:27, Jesus says “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me." At the core of spiritual direction is the idea that God can and does speak to His followers.
Spiritual directors do not diagnose or treat mental illness. And I am personally not a licensed counselor.
Please know that this is not a reflection of complementarian theology. This is just what I’m personally comfortable with at this stage of my life and ministry.